was watching WGM and got really emotional out of a sudden. reality is harsh. and when the clock strikes, cinderella will turn back into a normal girl once again. what's different is that in this world, the prince will not come running aft you.

so much for a fairytale ending.

Time to bid farewell.

right from this moment, at 12.13am. i gave up, totally. i give up trying to find excuses for you. i give up trying to make myself thing that it wasn't on purpose. i give up trying to think that things will be better. i give up i give up i give up. i am not going to care anymore. to heaven or hell, on land or on waters. i am not going to give a damn on what is going on with you. i will leave, leave from this fucking retarded place & stop caring.

i am going to move on. i am going to move on. i am going to move on.

this time, i will not turn soft hearted again. goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

i have been feeling rather upset lately. i think it started when i found out that she's attached. now, i am the only one who isn't attached in the clique. ever since that day, my mind keeps wandering. the next gathering. everyone with their boyf but me. what am i suppose to do? even before i know that she's attached, the distant feeling has alrd came to me. the other day at her* birthday party, during the stayover, suddenly, i just took a step back & looked at everything that was right before me. everyone had someone in their arms. i was envious. really envious. i always told myself that i would have my chance one day. but i don't know why, it seems very far from me. i know, it's my appearance. i know it ain't appealing. it's not that i don't want to change how i look, but, it's hard.

recently, i talked to Kellynn about my problem. she said that it's the clique. & that they don't know how to balance boyf and friends. i tried hinting them a few times, but they always think thats it's okay cus i know them. but they don't understand that it's not the "i am not close to them" problem. it's the "i feel weird seeing you 2 lovey dovey" problem. but yeah, i don't think they'll realise any time soon. so i guess i just have to bear with it.

i am sad, upset, depressed. anything that relates to sad. but i know, life still goes on. i have work to do, projects to complete.

you used to be my no.1. be it, advantages, chances or opportunities, i gave it to you first. compare yourself to the other girls, didn't i treat you the best? you said i was your best friend, but when you say that, you meant one and only. but i guess it isn't. cus you got another one. so many times i told myself it was alright, for the past 2 years, i kept repeating the same thing. but 2 years ltr, today. i realise that everything was just a faccade. it isn't ok. i won't get used to it. i know, i was nvr no.1 to you. i knew he was no.1. but never have i thought that i wasn't even 2nd or 3rd. i thought i was your bff too. but i guess i was thinking too much, i guess i was just trying to kid myself. look at your page. you've got back not only your old life and friends, you've got new life and friends too. so i guess, being the middle, will be just left behind. i'm so sorry friend, but i can't lie to myself anymore. it isn't ok, anymore. we, were used to be. bff, no more.

with love,

so much for planning a trip. not a thanks. but now, i've got people finger pointing me. so it's my fault? so one sorry can erase everything? how about talking about yourself first. don't act all saint-y and nice trying to be the "generous" one. yeah, i'm being petty. so what? that's me. if you don't like it, stop being my friend. you know what, i'm kinda tired of being yours. cus i hate the way you talk to me. you might think you're independant or whatever shit, i think you're spoilt. you're just a spoilt brat. so you don't have any rights to finger point me. your attitude sucks, go work on that. i thought going to the ****** might actually be better but no, you got worst. going there makes your attitude worst. what a joke. you're a disgrace.

OMG WHAT'S WRONG WITH EVERYONE'S CELL NOWADAYS? NO ONE REPLIES, NO ONE ANSWERS. OR IS IT ME? AM I THAT IRRITATING? IS IT MY FAULT FOR WANTING A CONFIRMATION CUS WE MIGHT BE TRAVELLING NEXT TUES? I ONLY HAVE 3DAYS TO BOOK. CAN'T YOU BE CONSIDERATE? YOU MAY BE WATCHING A BASKETBALL MATCH. BUT WHY CAN'T YOU ANSWER YOUR CALL? WHAT IF IT'S AN EMERGENCY?! 3 DAYS ONLY LEH. NOT 3 MONTHS NOT 3 WEEKS. 3 DAYS. AND YOU STILL HAVEN GIVE ME AN ANSWER! DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE REALLY IRRESPONSIBLE? I MAY BE YOUR GOOD FRIEND BUT BASIC COURTESY AND BASIC REPSECT SHLD STILL BE THERE OK. IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANNA GO, TELL ME. TELL ME STRAIGHT INTO MY FACE. AND NOT DO WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW. NOT REPLYING MY MSGES AND NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS. FUCKING PISSED OFF. ALL YOU THINK IS YOU AND HIM. YOU AND HIM, IN YOUR LIFE. WHAT AM I? A MAID? SOMEONE TO ENTERTAIN YOU ONLY WHEN HE'S NOT ARND? WHAT IS THIS? AFT THE TRIP,YOU BECOME SO DIFF. SO DIFF LIKE BFORE. CHANGE OR YOU'LL LOSE ME, OK.

ARGH!!!!!

SIGH.

i so badly want to go Genting. BUT SHE STILL HAVE NOT REPLY ME?!? how am i suppose to confirm? like i've got another person to go with if you don't want to go you know. why delay everything cus of your late reply?! it's beeeeeeeen soooooooooooooooooooooo many times alrd. i'm getting irritated and fed-up.

i hope everything will be like bfore you went away. cus you're kinda changing. you know?