i have been feeling rather upset lately. i think it started when i found out that she's attached. now, i am the only one who isn't attached in the clique. ever since that day, my mind keeps wandering. the next gathering. everyone with their boyf but me. what am i suppose to do? even before i know that she's attached, the distant feeling has alrd came to me. the other day at her* birthday party, during the stayover, suddenly, i just took a step back & looked at everything that was right before me. everyone had someone in their arms. i was envious. really envious. i always told myself that i would have my chance one day. but i don't know why, it seems very far from me. i know, it's my appearance. i know it ain't appealing. it's not that i don't want to change how i look, but, it's hard.

recently, i talked to Kellynn about my problem. she said that it's the clique. & that they don't know how to balance boyf and friends. i tried hinting them a few times, but they always think thats it's okay cus i know them. but they don't understand that it's not the "i am not close to them" problem. it's the "i feel weird seeing you 2 lovey dovey" problem. but yeah, i don't think they'll realise any time soon. so i guess i just have to bear with it.

i am sad, upset, depressed. anything that relates to sad. but i know, life still goes on. i have work to do, projects to complete.